he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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