i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
