oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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