After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
