Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
