Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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