I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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