sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
