Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
