dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
