sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
