I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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