pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
