I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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