I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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