cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
