kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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