dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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