what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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