alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
