my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
