i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
one might say we're banned from that church
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
