Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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