We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
