we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
