So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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