Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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