My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
