Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
