my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
