This girl is more easily done than said...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
