you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm having to shit out rocks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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