I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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