Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
