we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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