I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
