1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
