We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
