I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So much rum. So many feels.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
