Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My room smells like vodka and shame
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
