the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
