You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
