I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
