Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
