and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
