Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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