he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
