We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
