What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i need some magic done to my vagina
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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