he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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