Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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