She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
