My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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