what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
