Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's shark week go big or go home
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
