I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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