i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
