When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
