i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
