all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Panties = found
Randomize
