Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
