i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
