Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
