it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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