I bet he comes in French.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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