I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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