I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
