Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
