I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize