We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
