FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
