im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
