Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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