So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
