dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
