I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
